Lie to Me. I Promise, I'll Believe*

I believe man is born with an inherent need to believe. He thirsts for knowledge before birth. Even in the womb, babies explore their growing bodies; they kick out, they punch, they find their appendages and savor the atmosphere. Once birthed, they have an entire new world to explore and figure out.

At a baby shower this weekend, the mother-to-be explained how babies want to be swaddled for a while at first because they're used to a small, warm environment and, "they feel like their limbs are going to fly off!" How traumatic! If I ever have kids, I will swaddle them so that they don't have to have appendage-flight anxiety. From the beginning a child needs to trust and believe in the parents, needs to believe in the dream that all limbs are safe.

However, without the nurturing assurance of a parent and loved ones, the baby might just believe that all appendages are bound to detach sooner or later. That is, until they don't. You see, if we don't believe in one thing, we will automatically believe in another. We have a need to believe.

Whether you know it or not, you believe in something. You might not believe that your limbs might unhinge at any given time, but that is, in fact a belief that your limbs will stay attached. The absence of believing in one thing is the same as believing in another-- the absence of a belief-system is, in itself, a belief system.

Does any of this make sense?

*Ten points for getting what song this is from. No Google allowed. :-)

One of the most grievous and frightening things about the state of mankind is that he wants so badly to believe in something that he'll believe in almost anything.

The Sun Slept In

Last night I awoke here and there to a crash of thunder or emblazoning bolt of lightening illuminating my room. This morning, when I finally peeled myself away from my warm and sweetly enveloping bed, the sun still lay slumbering beyond the horizon. Or at least it so appeared since the wind still raged and cumulus nimbi continued to drape themselves across the celestial sphere. As I left the house, I turned to back porch light on, assured the day to be one of gloomy darkness.

Then, as I drove northward into work, something happened. As the clouds relieved the horizon of their foreboding presence, light came glimmering through as though the world might finally awaken for the day, as if I saw the sun rise a few hours late. I haven't seen a sunrise for quite sometime, but I imagine it would have appeared as so, with the darkness retreating, giving way at last to the clarity of the dawn. Sunsets, which I also haven't seen in a bit, offer glorious layers of light and dark as the sun makes a defiant exit. Sunrises are less like the tympanic nuance of "Also Sprach Zarathustra: Sunrise" and more like the slow, steady unfurling of a flower or the methodic unraveling of a tattered sweater.

Today I got to see the morning unwind.

I want some of this. Now. I wonder if others will notice if I "accidentally" spray them with it, as well. Actually, I wonder if there's enough in one bottle for how many people I might need to spray. Maybe I'll order two... or ten. 

Pick a Side

Happy Valentine's Day, one of the most divisive days on the calendar since Election Day--and at least that only happens every four years. There are people who like Valentine's Day and people who hate it. There are people who love it so much they decided to do it again in October and call it "Sweetest Day." Valentine's Day is going to happen whether I want it to or not, therefore I think it rather annoying to buck against it. I mean, I like Halloween even though I'm not a vampire, werewolf or ghoul. (perhaps I should say, even though I'm a Christian and it's supposed to stand for evil. whatever)

Yes, I believe that it's just another commercial holiday-- a ploy to capitalize on a sugar rush in the lull between Christmas and Easter candy. Not for me, though, since I take forever to eat it, I still have Christmas candy. As a matter of fact, it's a running joke in my family that I would have Halloween candy until Christmas and Christmas candy until Easter and then who knows how long I would have the Easter candy. So, I'm still good on candy.

What I could use more of, however, is love. Don't get me wrong, I have loving family and friends and a loving God. I just think everyone can always use a bit more love. So, lets try to remember to love each other after the sugar rush (or bitter taste for those anit-v-day readers) wears off, ok?

The Girl I Mean To Be

I never pictured myself to be the most mature among my friends and colleagues. My hope has always been to remain youthful and spritely. However, lately I feel like I just want to yell at people to grow up. I've had the ever growing feeling of having to play mother to some. I've tried to balance this by being less mature myself, shirking responsibilities, but it has just recently occurred to me that the solution isn't me dumbing down, but them growing up. There comes a time when you have to take responsibility and if you don't you plant the onus on others around you.

I'm trying to figure all of this out. How to age gracefully, if you will-- and I'm not talking about wrinkles. In an attempt to pacify any encroaching tension and anger, I'm listening to a semi-operatic musical. Sounds like a mature thing, right? Nah, it's a musical we did in high school. Brings good memories. Plus, I like it. So, there.

We'd Drive Around For Hours Hearing Adam Counting Crows.
I Miss Those Nights*

Tuesday was the 2nd anniversary of the end of my aunt's battle with cancer. Therefore, yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of Patricia Lee. This is one of those times that it's hard to believe God is good. Losing a loved one at a "young age" seems to disprove justice. Seeing that loved one struggle through seven years of pain before finally succumbing to rest numbs the mind to mercy. Wondering whether or not God predestined her choose heaven cries for grace to kneel in judgment: my judgment. And yet, who am I to judge? No one. So I sit here. Wrestling with these thoughts, I scream to God, "Why?!?" Is this good and just? Is this merciful?

He says yes. All He does is good and just and merciful. I do not understand. He says, "I know."

I don't know if I ever will. He says, "I know." I ask what will happen in my future. He says, "I know." That somehow brings me peace.

He says, "I know."



*From Emily Deloach's song, Almost Tried. It's nice to know I'm not alone in finding loss difficult.

For Goodness' Sake

I have a mother who loves me. She spoils me and cares for me. She worries about me. She treats me well. I have a sister who loves me. She laughs with me and cries with me. She treats me well. I have a dad who loves me. He spoils me and cares for me. He worries about me. He treats me well. I have a Father who loves me. He is just and gracious. He does not treat me well. He is good to me.

I have had relationships in which I have been treated well and treated horribly. I have treated others well and treated them horribly. People change. God is good-- unchanging, unfailable, unbelievable. For, whether I believe it or not, God is good. Whether I agree or not, God is good. Whether I feel like I'm alone or wrapped in His arms, God is good. Whether I feel I am a disgrace or cover in His grace, God is good.

We can't truly be good to each other. Sometimes, with all that's wrong in the world, it's hard to remember or believe it, but God is good. And having God be good to you is so much better than being treated well.

0.25 Seconds

Yeah, that was the average length of viewing per visitor to PRE last week. Ha. Kind of pathetic. Makes me want to write something heinously long just to see if I can get that time up. However, I suppose if I posted more than once a week then people would have to stay longer just to check out the new stuff. Fair 'nuff.

So, here's a story kids. I was hanging out with a couple of new friends last night and we ended up in a sort of who do you know/ six degrees conversation. Except that since we live in Nashville and the Information Age, it was more like three degrees of separation, if that, across six states, or more. Funny, funny stuff. Then, to show what true nerds we are, we get online and start showing each other pictures of all the people we were talking about. Simply hilarious. Totally geek-a-rific.

I guess this is a more light-hearted post than what I've been throwing up here once a week. I've just had a lot of stuff on my mind and it's not a bad thing. I've had to think about things that I've either been ignoring or never realized. And I've had to be more creative in other senses, so I suppose I've let my little bloggings fall to the wayside. I can't promise I'll write more and I can't promise I'll write less. I'm just here.

Thanks for sticking with me any way.

Much love.
~Me