Wednesday, February 09, 2005

We'd Drive Around For Hours Hearing Adam Counting Crows.
I Miss Those Nights*

Tuesday was the 2nd anniversary of the end of my aunt's battle with cancer. Therefore, yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of Patricia Lee. This is one of those times that it's hard to believe God is good. Losing a loved one at a "young age" seems to disprove justice. Seeing that loved one struggle through seven years of pain before finally succumbing to rest numbs the mind to mercy. Wondering whether or not God predestined her choose heaven cries for grace to kneel in judgment: my judgment. And yet, who am I to judge? No one. So I sit here. Wrestling with these thoughts, I scream to God, "Why?!?" Is this good and just? Is this merciful?

He says yes. All He does is good and just and merciful. I do not understand. He says, "I know."

I don't know if I ever will. He says, "I know." I ask what will happen in my future. He says, "I know." That somehow brings me peace.

He says, "I know."

*From Emily Deloach's song, Almost Tried. It's nice to know I'm not alone in finding loss difficult.