If You Tarry Till You're Better, You Will Never Come At All

Time and time again I have heard people (myself included) vow to be a better person for the sake of others and society. "I have to work on myself before I can allow someone else into my world." "I can't date anyone until I have learned more about myself." "It's not you, it's me." "I need to find out who I am."

So often people set their lives, worth and lovability on a so-called-measurable scale--or rather a time line of ever-fluctuating standards. Don't get me wrong, I do believe that each of us holds a certain responsibility to "be all that we can be," however, I think that in this focus, we overlook the fact that we can not, on our own, mold ourselves. From the time we came into the world, wrinkly, ugly and grasping for air, to the time we finally join our maker (hopefully, wrinkly, ugly and grasping for air), our surroundings shape and influence our lives. What makes us think that we can come to a certain measurable apex of sensitivity, awareness and maturity all on our own-- or, ever, for that matter?

We have been placed in community for a reason. We have been blessed with civility, society and communication. God said it was not good for man to be alone so he made Adam an aid, a friend. Why should relationships be any different now? Why should we think that we could ever be perfect on our own? Isolation breeds not perfection, but rather estrangement. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm tired of people saying they need to work on themselves more before allowing someone else into their lives. After all-- who's to say that we have any possibility to change without the help of others? I think the whole point of having a soul mate is finding someone who makes you better, someone who brings out in you what you could never bring out in yourself. Someone who knows your weaknesses and loves you still-- and vice versa, for all of it.

Therefore, I'm not going to stop trying to improve, but I'm also not going to reject possible opportunities for relationships or friendships due to my inadequacies. Because if I waited around until the breach of perfection before I entered society, I might as well start building my own personal hermitage.